Are you unstable??

I think this test is intriguing...I'm unstable... ;o)

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (16%) very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Orderliness (53%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun. Extraversion (46%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

trait snapshot:
paranoid tendencies, irritable, anxious, fidgety,

dependent, worrying, emotionally sensitive,

prone to regret, depressed, second guesses self,

somewhat fragile, dislikes change,

prefers organized to unpredictable,

suspicious, phobic, craves attention,

not a risk taker, low self control,

very sensitive to criticism, unadventurous,

does not make friends easily, defensive,

obsessive, low self esteem

Our Greatest Need, Already Met

K, So I was working on my descriptions for products on the web-site at work when I saw this book which got me thinking…

Question:
If God is so amazing, if He really is all that we say and believe that He is, If He really knows what we need and desire (and better than we do), then why is it that WE are to ask Him for those things? Why do we need to ask when He is the kind of Father that gives us all and more than we need? Why ask when in the end God is God and will do as He wills?

Answer:
I don’t pretend to REALLY know the answer to this timeless question that most of us have asked on many occasions…but think about this:

What if the very act of us asking Him IS the greatest answer to our needs? Like think about this…Maybe what we need most is that NEED to communicate with God. How many of us in all honesty would really speak with God as often if we never needed to ask Him for something. I am beginning to think that He put that in place for us to ”ask so that we may receive” so that we would have a place to build relationship. People don’t just jump into being intimate with God, we need time to get close, feel safe, and know He is really there with us. Well, what better way to do that than to NEED to ask Him for things all the time and then see Him taking care of it in the best way!!? So maybe God set this entire thing up in order to fill our greatest need: Relationship and Intimacy with Him. This very NEED causes us to be real and honest with God about where we are lacking, where our heart is, and how we are REALLY living; Basically allowing Him to see the Real Us even when no-one else does. This NEED to communicate with God is a basis for all of the Heart connection that goes on throughout the journey of our lives. Eventually we no longer fear asking Him (or fear forgetting to ask), and it just comes out naturally throughout the coarse of our day in being so close to Him that we just speak and relate all day and all night Spirit-to-Spirit!!

So this is my "Oh So Great" Revelation for the day… This is how HE REALLY cares for us.

My Dearest Grannie

This is my Grannie!! (Pearl Webster, 84) She past away last friday. So life has been difficult lately. I went to the funeral dispite what i felt led to do...but i did it mearly to honour my parents there. That's not to try to promote me as a selfless honouring daughter...meerly to state that i didn't want to be there. I was in the middle of writing my Grannie a leter when she left us. I had been working on it for a year. There were many hours that went into it...and i never got to send it to her! I used to be very close to my Grannie, but in the last few years i've gotten so busy, and so phocused on finding me...i lost track of the other people who are a huge part of who i am today. I'm sorry for that Grannie. I wanted to spend all day yesturday at a park just trying to finish that letter and tell her everything that i remember about us together... I still want to do it, and i pray I'll still get that chance.

My Grannie was the kind of person who appreciated everyone. She loved so deeply. She even cared enough for the animals to make sandwiches and then feed them to the birds. She was never without a cat, and she was always there to help even the chipmunks find their dinner. She always had pickles!! and OLIVES!!! one thing which has become a great passion in the food category for me. She did puzzles and crafts with me since i can remember. She didn't like her nose, but loved mine...funny thing is, they are the same. I see alot of her in my life, and i see alot in her that I want to be. I loved my Grannie!! I miss her!

My Apearing Heaven(s)

K, so it seems I have come to love the mall...alot! i am not entirely sure how that happened, but I have been many times since my last post. And...funny enough, it seems to include work people all the time! I thought I was so over that stage of boredom...but now, I think i like it!
I work,
___I baby-sit Lillee,
______I stay home,
_________I go out to eat,
____________I hang out at work on my time off,
...or... I go to the Mall!

I went with Dallas and Lyla not so recently...so Dal could get a shirt for grad...and for the day he was going to talk to his now "hot Lady friend" and propose their future as a couple (of cuties)! That was a quickie one, and yet, seemed we were there for longer than either of them wanted to be.

A few weeks ago I came in to work...on my day off no less...and I decided i was desiring some "pick-me-up." So, YES, I went to the mall again! This time with Liz...we bought shoes!!! And they are hot ones...I will put in pictures Here and Here and maybe even Here! And I got 4 pairs of really cool runners...my fave kind! But, Liz got me two pairs and i got me the other 2. See, the thing is you can mix and match them. I wear them off set most of the time!! and i love them. Liz got hot shoes too, check them out!

Last night i went to the Mall with Lyla and her niece, Cherish, who is 20 and extremely cool! I totally love her, and we totally connect...at least i think we do! I loved it...the best so far! We went all over the Mall, and we totally had much convo that i loved and we ate and we tried on much clothes...mostly jackets and jeans...and some swim wear was modelled. I had the bestest of times! I got jeans...a pick will be shownhere and maybe another. Cherish got a bunch of needed stuff for her life here in the big T.O. and the legendary S.O.M.!! So, I totally know that need to prepare!! and splurge a bit too! Lyla got her Yogen Fruiz...which was much needed as it would seem! And, I found a love in my heart for these two awesome peeps!

in conclusion i think I am beginning to love the mall...or maybe i'm just having no life. If you look at it this way: I work A LOT, I hang at work when I'm board, I only seem to go out with my co-workers when they are off, I sit around them when they are not, I spend 4 hours at one time going to a mall to watch my boss' niece buy stuff...YET... I could just be totally content in my position in life. If you look at it this way: Work isn't really work because i love to be there, I get to spend all day with my favourite people to spend time with, and I can find total joy and excitement in the middle of doing something that has nothing to do with me and spend very little money on it!!!

I just love it!!! The Mall, the People, the Life!

;o) B1

Mounting Everest

K, so I wrote this nice little poem for Y'all about my job!!! This depicts...as in draws a pictured illustration of this year in the life of the Resource Centre and not so honoured guests...etc.

Mounting Everest

There once was a mount named Everest
We thought there was none the Betterest
Till on day when we looked close upon it
And discovered maybe we can't make it

It seemed more like Tetris we're Playing
With bricks for laying we start our praying
And never to stop we try making it fit
'It Can't' we all try and avoid to admit

Half way up this mountain we've built
Instead of a Duvet it's a Patchwork Quilt
But we'll trek on ahead on the slippery slope
For a Quarter of a Million we really must Hope

This mount is called Everest and remaining today
Are the hearts holding on all through the delay
Each step we get closer to the end that is nigh
As we follow the bright light we Wave our Goodbyes

AEROport Delight

K, so today our 4 is back together in all Fullness!!!
In case you don't know Laura Thomas has rejoined the life of Toronto. FOR GOOD!!! ish!

There we were going to the airport to pick her up...we got very confused...ended up then down...then over and under and back up!! ? Do I make sense? NO! K, stop talking to yourself...FINE!

K, so we awaited the arrival from a balcony...so she couldn't see us right away!! She came out all gorgeous as usual!! Our hearts jumped...hers dropped...cuz she didn't see us! She wandered and went to sit down. Just as she was nearing a seat we started to cough...then got louder...louder...SARS anyone?? NO! She looked up and screamed...not a blood curdling...just an AHHH...

We ran and screamed our way down the escalator...when we reached the bottom she was just...without her baggage...prophetic?? Or not... (Just after the warning infomercial said...Do not leave your bags unattended" hehe) WHERE COULD SHE BE? We pondered...then a sudden jump and HA! Omitted from in front of us!!!

LAURA!!! We hugged, we jumped we sang and ate chocolate....thanks to Ventura! (not ACE)

Oh, I love this day!! The joy the fright and the near death experiences...did I mention we almost died....NO? Well I shall...

We were carrying the rather large bag on a BROKEN cart on the moving sidewalk. Then the cart STOPPED!!! It would go off of the end. To avoid collision I began to walk backwards...AAAAAHHH came from BV's mouth. "Help me get it off!" so we pushed and shoved while walking backwards...finally got it off and decided for our own safety we would just carry it!

As we drove back to the church to see Lyla and get back to work for some we went on many wrong turns and pulled some U-ees and also ended up inside the Woodbine Race Tracks...? Don' ask....we got there after over a half our....(it's only a 5 min distance by tha way) and we ran in out of the rain and rejoiced our triumphs there!!

YES, and God said, It is Good!

Great Big Sea

~~~~~~~~~~~~

How did we get from saying

‘I love you’

to ‘I’ll see you around someday’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well...enough said??? Maybe...there have been many changes in my family...and many are just not anymore...and in mine...WHAT? anyways...Sometimes songs make me think. This ones seems to do that alot! so...listen to it sometime. It is by great big sea. and i think they rock...and roll!

...

Love you all...and I'll write again soon...I HOPE!!

...

You can blame Lyla (my lovely boss) for over working my to the point where I'm not into looking at computers after work for my lack of postings... Or not...ACTUALLY I love my job!! and I love working as much as i do...but I don't like spending my only time at home on a box...I'm more into my Lillee!! Cuz I love her!! So you can blame her...no actually you can blame God for making her so CUTE...and captivating!!

...

Anyways...keep on licking frozen poles...no WAIT...don't do that!!

Long Time No Talky?

So What if it's been forEVER since i wrote in this thing that i loath...k, not loath, but used to. What? I don't get it either...trust me!
K, so i don't garuntee there is much interesting things to say...

1- I moved into my new house in Brampton. I love it, my room has barely been touched as of yet...but the rest of the house is looking great! I guess my room is kinda last proirity...but for those of you who endured my last room experience it will not take a year...and NO I"m not using 1 tiny paint brush to do the whole thing...just doing large square with a roller on two walls.

2- My Niece is now in my parents custody...so yes we have a baby...but hopefully she will be with her parents again soon. But, for now I"m simply getting used to the sounds of the cutest child in the world!!!

3- Lillee (Niece) can now say, and I quote, "HI!" but only if someone, like me, comes in the room overly excited, as i normally do, and says "HI" to her first. But, she so knows what she is saying...unlike when she says "I love you" all cutely...she doesn't get it yet, but she will!

4- My sister may not be moving out of the province, and is now sleeping on the floor in my room for a month.

5- Spent an awesome day with my bestestess in Barrie...have pictures to prove their psychoticness...they will be added here and here shortly...or maybe now...you should try and see!! ;o)

6- My Job Discription has most recently expaneded...as per normal at the beloved TACF...lots of scanning, editting photos, and data stuff!! I LOVE it.

7- Timmy's makes these Hot Raspberry Smoothie drinks...and I really wasn't sure about them at first...but they are great!!!!

K, so that kinda sums it up...ish. My Dad says my genereation is weird and uses Ish as though it is a complete sentance. He believes it has taken place of the old fad...WhatEVER!

Focused On The Heart?

K, so there I was just in the car listening to whatever my brother had in the CD player, and (to make along story short) I ended up worshipping to an Evanescence song!!! Totally! I was singing from such a deep place...It just seemed so raw, such a real message in her words!

I will share it with you!

"Tourniquet"
i tried to kill the pain; but only brought more
i lay dying ; and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved; am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me; lost for so long
will you be on the other side; or will you forget me
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved; am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation (x2)

i want to die!!!

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation (x2)

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

So, after reading it can you see how real she is...Sure she may not have it all RIGHT, but who does? And Christ is our REAL suicide...We are to sacrifice ourselves so he might live in us!! The revelation...

I was reading this thing by Moby the other day and he was saying that he doesn't understand how anyone can truly be confident in their salvation...To the extent that we are to be working it out everyday according to Christ. I think he is right...I choose to believe that i am saved under the blood and love of our Lord, but also I always wonder what will judgment day bring. I know I don't live fully for him, I still do love the world. And I hate that fact, but I have to be real about it. And just trust that he is more focused on my heart!

So yes, the thinking about stuff has arrived!!! And Evanescence is more anointed then perceived!! I was so having a Spirit-to-Spirit with God during that song!!!

Speak now...

So I've learned something recently...Sometimes when things are weighing down on your heart...even good things you just need to speak!!

I've had some things on my heart for a long time, and recently i decided i just needed to speak now or forever hold my piece. I spoke, and things are looking up. It took months for me to do it, and boy was that tough...it was weighing so hard on me, but i did it. I spoke. And now i know where things are at. Communication Baby...it can be a VERY good thing. It gets us to where we need to go.

I'm just here to thank God for the ability to speak...how much would life be hard if i couldn't speak. And sometimes i feel like I'll never get it out, but I'm always relieved when i do.

SO...SPEAK!!!

That is my two cents...if something is weighing on your heart then just go ahead and say it out loud...to God, to a friend or to the person who needs to know! My ears are always here.